domingo, agosto 31, 2014
sexta-feira, agosto 29, 2014
quarta-feira, agosto 27, 2014
Hace unos días una de mis alumnas me envió estas preciosas fotos de Gentian. Amante de las flores, y observadora de su signatura, me contó que le llamó la atención, primero, su color, y después, su ubicación, hacia el norte.
Si reflexionamos sobre Gentian, observamos que como esencia nos aporta perseverancia, como decía mi alumna, es como si la planta dijese "al norte, sin perder el norte". Y efectivamente, Gentian nos enseña a seguir el camino que nos hemos trazado con perseverancia, sin flaquear, aunque las cosas a veces se tuerzan. El color azul intenso nos indica una mirada hacia el infinito, hacia la confianza, hacia seguir hacia adelante aunque a veces no entendamos con la razón el porqué de lo que nos sucede.
Creo profundamente que en el caminar por la vida necesitamos sueños. Sueños con los que soñar despiertos. Sueños que nos aporten pasión por vivir día a día. Creo que a nuestros hijos e hijas tenemos que enseñarles a soñar y a desear alcanzar lo soñado. Porque creo que es un lujo dedicarse a lo que amamos y amar lo que hacemos.
En este camino, hay obstáculos, aprendizaje, desánimo y expectativas.
Hay días soleados y días lluviosos. Y días de nubarrones negros.
Gentian nos regala su luz azulada, para aferrarnos y confiar en esos días en los que parece que lo que hacemos no da sus frutos.
Gentian nos brinda la fuerza y la fe para perseverar, para seguir apasionados por la vida y seguir hacia adelante sin entender todo lo que nos sucede. Puede que en un futuro, echando la vista atrás lo entendamos. O quizás, no lo entendamos nunca. Quizás.
lamagiadelasflores: GENTIAN. La Perseverancia
domingo, agosto 24, 2014
sexta-feira, agosto 22, 2014
quarta-feira, agosto 20, 2014
Building Your Self-Esteem Back Up After Someone Rejects You
Fabienne FredricksonMore by this author
One of the greatest fears people experience is the fear of rejection. That’s because there are few things that hurt as much as rejection. We create meanings about our worth based on incidents in which we’ve been rejected. These meanings then help shape our self-image, which dictates the decisions we make in our lives.
It’s very easy to believe that when someone rejects you, whether it’s in love, friendship, family, work, or otherwise, it’s because something is wrong with you. Anyone and everyone can be rejected, no matter who they are. If someone rejects you, it doesn’t diminish your innate value because it doesn’t affect your soul. It affects your ego, which loves to blame and thrives on making you feel like a victim. But your soul stays perfectly intact. The essence of who you are, the core of you, doesn’t change, and neither does your worth.
Rejection hurts when we internalize it. When we do this, we allow someone else’s actions and opinions to shape how we feel about ourselves. We then create a belief that the person who has rejected us is better. Conversely, we start to believe we are somehow unworthy. Yes, those who’ve rejected you may have had their reasons or rationales for doing so. Those reasons don’t have to be about you specifically, and they don’t mean anything about you as a person. In fact, the meanings you created about yourself based on rejection are actually not true.
Let me share this example: When my mother died suddenly while I was in college, I began staying out late to drown my sorrows. I didn’t show up for classes, and I quickly started failing. I felt lost and wanted badly to have direction in my life. I desperately looked for an anchor to get me grounded. I wanted something to belong to that would make me feel significant, like I mattered. I applied for the position of social chair of my sorority. Being a social person, I thought that I would be great at it.
The day we were to vote on the members of the new board, we all assembled in the sorority meeting room, and I was anxious. After several board positions were voted on, it was time to elect the social chair. The president asked the applicants to raise their hands, and, once acknowledged, we were asked to leave the room while the other members discussed the applicants and took a vote.
I came back into the room and learned that I hadn’t made it. So when the next position was offered, I raised my hand. Again, I left the room while the decision was being made. And, again, I wasn’t selected. I started to feel embarrassed, but because I so desperately wanted to have something significant in my life, I raised my hand to apply for the next position. Once again, I was not chosen. This happened again and again until the entire board was filled.
That day, it felt as if I died several deaths, one after the other. I felt like the whole room, the whole sorority, and the whole world were against me. I couldn’t believe they hadn’t taken pity on me, especially after having applied so many times. Especially since my mother had just died. I wanted them to throw me a bone, but, instead, it was the ultimate rejection. I left that room crushed, embarrassed, and humiliated, having lost every ounce of confidence that I had. I felt worthless, unloved, and unlovable.
That night, I cried and cried into my pillow, feeling like a victim, blaming them, and hating every single one of them. I wanted to punish them. After I dried my tears, I decided that I was going to leave the sorority, drop out of college, and move back to France to be with my father. So I did. It wasn’t until close to 20 years later that I realized what had actually happened in that room. I created an image of myself as unworthy and unlovable, based on that experience. Looking back now, I will admit that my opponents had prepared elaborate presentations and detailed how they would use the social chair position to create a better year, and I hadn’t prepared anything. I didn’t have a plan. I just showed up and expected to win based on my personality.
What I see now is that leaving college was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I don’t advocate that for everyone, but for my self-esteem and my evolution, it was important that I leave and start my career. It was important for me to move in with my father so that I could feel grounded. It was time that I started my life. If I’d stayed in school, I would have delayed that process for another two years.
There was a reason for the sorority incident, but it wasn’t until I looked past my ego and humiliation that I saw the blessing in it. Though it felt like I had died a thousand deaths, it was a divine, defining moment, and it was in my long-term best interest. See the bigger picture in rejection. If someone rejects you, it’s because you’re just not meant to be in that situation, no matter how much you want it.
In fact, if I look back on every rejection I have endured in my life, unequivocally, each was there as a compass to take me in a different direction that would bring me back to my soul’s path. Each rejection was a correction. When I was going off track in my soul’s journey, the rejection was a realignment toward what was best for me.
We all have things that happen to us that don’t make us feel good about ourselves. But the difference between people who are happy and healthy and those who are miserable and bitter is that happy people don’t internalize or create a meaning about themselves based on a particular rejection. It’s best to look at rejection as an opportunity for something else, something better, waiting just around the corner.
Resist the temptation to blame or hate the person who rejected you, even if he or she wasn’t nice about it. Find a way to wish that person well instead. You may not realize it in the moment, but that person is actually an angel in disguise, leading you in the right direction by putting an end to the path you were on. See it as a divine redirection instead. To learn more about improving your self-esteem and stepping into your full potential, see my book: Embrace Your Magnificence.
domingo, agosto 17, 2014
sexta-feira, agosto 15, 2014
What keeps most people from living each day, each moment, to the fullest? Three things: Worry, Regret, and Fear.
Worry is living in the future instead of the moment. Worry is a pessimistic approach to life. When you live in worry, you're constantly asking 'what if this happens?', 'and if this happens, what if that happens?'
You trade your life for shadowy possibilities, piling one on top of the next until the weight of 'what if' pins you in your pessimism.
Regret is living in the past instead of the moment. Regret is a shameful approach to life. You look behind you, and wish things were different. You constantly tell yourself 'if only I'd done that differently', and 'if I had done that differently, I'd be there instead of here'.
You trade your life for guilt and sorrow, examining every decision until your second-guessing becomes paralysis and you stop moving forward.
Fear is living in uncertainty instead of now. Fear is a timid approach to life. When you live in fear, you hold back, denying yourself and others a world of possibilities.
You trade your life for scenes of things that could go wrong, and the movie you create keeps you in your seat, alone in a dark theater.
The antidote to worry is refocusing on NOW. Right this moment. What do you see, what do you smell, what do you taste, what is in your lap and in your life right this minute? This is what's real.
The cure for regret is two-fold: acceptance and forgiveness. It is what it is. You are where you are. You cannot change what was, you can only build on what is. You did the best you could with all of your resources at that moment. It's what you will do NOW that matters.
The solution for fear is faith. You have been protected and provided for right up to this very minute. It will continue. Do good for others; trust you will receive good in return.
Take an inventory of the things you have to be thankful for, and you will see the big picture.
This moment will never come again. Savor it for all it is NOW. Direct your attention toward the people and places and things you experience NOW.
This is the secret of living life to the fullest.
By Victoria Monfort
terça-feira, agosto 12, 2014
segunda-feira, agosto 11, 2014
Editora: PergaminhoData Publicação: Julho 2012
N.º de Páginas: 192
Em 2012, quinze anos após a publicação de O Monge que Vendeu o Seu Ferrari e de ter vendido mais de cinco milhões de livros, o autor americano Robin Sharma incluiu na história do seu novo livro Julian Mantle, o protagonista que fez leitores de todo o mundo (re)pensarem as suas vidas. As Cartas Secretas do Monge que Vendeu o Seu Ferrari é mais uma obra intensa e uma excelente metáfora para aqueles que buscam a paz de espírito.Jonathan Landry é um homem de trinta anos, engenheiro electroténico numa grande empresa americana e o seu casamento está a passar por uma fase complicada. Nem a mulher e o filho de seis anos, nem os familiares e amigos são a prioridade deste homem workaholic. Na constante busca pelo sucesso e riqueza Jonathan se esqueceu de que estava a negligenciar a sua família e amigos, especialmente Juan, por quem sente-se culpado pela sua morte. É a sua mãe que chama-lhe a atenção sobre a sua vida e lhe pede que tire uns dias de férias e faça uma viagem até à Argentina, onde vive o seu primo Julian. Surpreso e reticente sobre esse estranho pedido, Jonathan sempre aceita se enveredar na viagem.Ao aterrar em Buenos Aires Julian pede um favor ao primo mais novo, que irá ser crucial para salvar a vida de alguém: que faça uma série de viagens e em cada destino se encontre com um amigo de Julian, que será o «guardião», que lhe entregará um talismã. Ao todo são nove viagens, nove talismãs com formas diferentes, nove culturas ocidentais e orientais que farão o seu primo despertar para o essencial da vida. Cada guardião tem uma certa relação com o talismã e sabedoria nele contida e caberá ao primo fazer a conexão. Em Istambul porá em prova a Autenticidade; em Paris vencerá a sua fobia de andar de elevador; nas cidades de Osaka e Quioto na companhia do guardião Sato Ayame descobrirá o poder da Bondade; já no México e Espanha Jonathan aprenderá lições inesquecíveis com Chava e Lluis Costa; «Acha que está a viver a vida que devia viver, aquela que mais honra o seu verdadeiro eu, que celebra os seus valores mais profundos e respeita os seus sonhos mais elevados?», esta é a pergunta que a guardiã canadiana do talismã sobre a importância das relacções humanas faz ao viajante; a viagem (física e interior) só fica concluída em Deli, depois das visitas breves do protagonista a Xangai e a Phoenix.Será que depois destas viagens e aprendizagens o protagonista será capaz de reorganizar a sua vida impetuosa? Depois de uma grande viagem retornamos sempre diferentes. Depois da leitura de uma grande história… também. Assim acontece com As Cartas Secretas do Monge que Vendeu o Seu Ferrari, uma obra que oferece ao leitor uma série de lições fáceis de serem postas em prática.Robin Sharma é o autor de 11 best-sellers internacionais, como A Força de Viver, Sabedoria e Liderança e Descubra o Seu Destino, e costuma viajar por todo o mundo como conferencista, partilhando a sua imensa sabedoria. O autor estará em Portugal a 23 de Setembro de 2014 (mais informações).
Excertos«Uma história só deve ser contada quando um ouvinte está pronto para a escutar.» (p. 23)«Uma das maiores prendas que podemos oferecer a nós próprios é vermo-nos livres das nossas desculpas.» (p. 29)«A felicidade duradoura (…) deriva da dimensão do nosso impacto, e não da extensão do nosso lucro. A verdadeira realização é produto do valor que criamos e do contributo que damos, e não do automóvel que conduzimos ou da casa que compramos.» (p. 162)
domingo, agosto 10, 2014
sexta-feira, agosto 08, 2014
“Simply put, you believe that things or people make you unhappy, but this is not accurate. You make yourself unhappy.”Wayne Dyer
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.”
It is usually pretty easy to become a happier person.
It is also quite easy to rob yourself of your own happiness. To make yourself more miserable and add a big bowl of suffering to your day. It is common thing, people do it every day all over the world.
So today I’d like to combine these two things. I’d like to share 7 happiness stealing habits that I have had quite a bit of trouble with in my own daily life (and I know from all the emails I get that many of you do too).
But I’d also like to add what you can do instead if you find yourself being stuck in one of these destructive habits.
1. Going for daily swim in a sea of negative voices.
This one can be quite subtle.
You just go around in your daily life like you usually do. Hang out with the same people. Listen to the same podcasts or radio shows, watch the same old TV-shows and read the usual blogs, books and magazines.
But what influence do these things have over your thinking and the limits you set for yourself and what you feel you deserve in life?
What to do instead:
Make a list of the 5 people you hang out with the most and the 5 media sources you spend most time on during your week.
Then ask yourself this for each of these 10 things/people: is this one dragging me down or lifting me up in life?
Consider spending less time with the ones that drag you down (or cut them out completely) and to spend more of your time with the people and sources that lift you up and make you feel good, motivated etc.
If you have trouble getting started with this one, then go smaller. Take a few minutes to think about what one person or source that has the biggest negative impact on you. And how you can start to spend less time with it/him/her this week.
2. Waiting for just the right time.
When you have a dream then it is so easy to get lost in planning how you will accomplish it. To drift away in daydreams about how it will be. But also to get stuck in fears about failing with it.
So you make a common choice and wait – and wait and wait for maybe years – for just the right time to take action and get started with making that dream into something real.
What to do instead:
Sure, not every dream is something you can get started with right now. But there are many that you can get going with. Dreams that only fear is holding you back from.
So make things easy on yourself. You don’t have to dive in a big and extremely courageous jump. If that was the case then only the bravest people in the world would do and achieve what they want.
Instead, take a small step forward. Take one small action. That is it. Then tomorrow you can take another small step forward. The important thing is that you get started and get going instead spending so much time on just waiting and feeling more and more frustrated and unhappy about the state of your dreams.
3. Letting criticism get under your skin time and time again.
When someone criticizes or verbally attacks you then it may just roll off you like water of the back of a duck.
But if it on the other hand gets under your skin pretty much every time and drags you down into hours or days or self-doubt or self-beatings then you have a problem.
What to do instead:
- Let it out. Talk it over with someone close to you to let the inner tensions out. And to find a healthier perspective on what happened together.
- Remember: it is not always about you. If your self-esteem is low them it is easy to start thinking that all the negative things people tell you are your fault in some way. That is however often not the case. People will attack or harshly criticize to let their own steam out. Because they have had an awful day, week or simply do not like their lives that much. So don’t think it is all about you. There are two of you in this situation.
When you spend much time in your day thinking about what other people have and do and you compare your life to theirs then you have a good recipe for unhappiness.
Because you spend the attention and energy in the wrong place.
What to do instead:
Focus on you. Compare yourself to yourself. See how far you have come. The obstacles you have overcome. How you have improved in small or sometimes bigger ways. Appreciate that and yourself.
Focus not on what others have but on what YOU deep down want in your life.
And ask yourself: what is one small step I can take today to get the ball rolling with this goal/dream?
Keep your focus on yourself and what you can actually do to raise your self-confidence, to start walking on your own path and to spend your limited daily time and energy on something that will actually pay off.
5. Not allowing yourself times of peace and rest during your day.
When you are busy, busy, busy all the time and give yourself no time to recharge then you soon become fatigued.
And so each step and each thing you do start to feel heavier and you do not get much enjoyment at all out of pushing and pulling yourself through it.
What to do instead:
- Take a break every hour. Try setting the timer on your cell phone for 45 minutes. During that time-period just focus on doing your most important task at the moment. Then, as the bell rings, set the timer for 15 minutes and step away from your workspace. Have a snack, talk a walk or stretch a bit. By cycling rest and fully focused work like this you’ll get more things done, do a better job and it will be easier to keep the optimism and motivation up.
- Be 10 minutes early. Transform those traveling times during your day into relaxing breaks instead of passages of time and space that only increase your stress levels and other negative feelings.
This one can be sneaky.
It can make you think that things are pretty OK. You have your safe and comfortable routine. I know, I have been there for long stretches of time.
But during those times there was also denial of feeling dissatisfied. A vague feeling of standing still that sometimes bloomed up into a big burst of undefined, negative feelings directed towards the world or myself.
What to do instead:
- Remind yourself of the past times when you tried something new. And how you most often did not regret it one bit but had an exciting, interesting or fun time.
- Go small. You don’t have to try skydiving. Just take one small step and try some new and different music, a movie or book you would normally not go for or the vegetarian dish if you usually have the beef or sausage for lunch.
- Say yes just once this week when your mind says no. If a friend invites you to go out running, doing yoga or to go fishing or to a party and your mind goes “let’s say no, that is not what I usually do” then stop yourself for a second. And reconsider. You don’t have to say yes to every suggestion you get this week to try something new, but give it a shot and say yes to just one of those things.
When you take life too seriously then it is easy to become so afraid of making a mistake of stumbling a bit that you get paralyzed in analysis.
When you take yourself too seriously then, in my experience, it becomes difficult to fully enjoy the moment and what is happening, to let go of the past and to laugh about yourself and life when you need it the most.
What to instead:
- Put up a reminder. When I wanted to develop a lighter mindset quite a few years ago one thing that helped me was a simple note on fridge that said: Lighten Up! This reminder helped me to snap out of overly serious thoughts several times a day until this way of finding a lighter perspective became more and more of an automatic thought habit.
- Surround yourself with lighter mindsets. As mentioned in the section about habit #1, what and who you surround yourself with will have a big effect on how you think. No matter if it is a positive or negative aspect they add. So one powerful thing to do is to add lighter mindsets via people, books, the internet etc. to your daily life.
- Raise your self-esteem. I have found that as my self-esteem has gone up I can laugh about myself more because I am less defensive. I have more trust in myself and so I fear a temporary failure less. And I like myself more and so I am less concerned about getting everyone else to like me all the time.