Desmistificando a Autoaceitação: 3 atitudes que vão mudar a sua forma de...

MANTRA PARA FORTALECER LA AUTOESTIMA

Six Behaviors That Increase Self-Esteem.

Following are six behaviors that increase self-esteem, enhance your self-confidence, and spur your motivation. You may recognize some of them as things you naturally do in your interactions with other people. But if you don’t, I suggest you motivate yourself to take some of these important steps immediately.

First, greet others with a smile and look them directly in the eye. A smile and direct eye contact convey confidence born of self-respect. In the same way, answer the phone pleasantly whether at work or at home, and when placing a call, give your name before asking to speak to the party you want to reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with self-respect is making the call.

Second, always show real appreciation for a gift or compliment. Don’t downplay or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a universal mark of an individual with solid self-esteem.

Third, don’t brag. It’s almost a paradox that genuine modesty is actually part of the capacity to gracefully receive compliments. People who brag about their own exploits or demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in the eyes of others—and that’s because they don’t perceive themselves as already worthy of respect.

Fourth, don’t make your problems the centerpiece of your conversation. Talk positively about your life and the progress you’re trying to make. Be aware of any negative thinking, and take notice of how often you complain. When you hear yourself criticize someone—and this includes self-criticism—find a way to be helpful instead of critical.

Fifth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by increasing your level of productive activity. When your self-esteem is being challenged, don’t sit around and fall victim to “paralysis by analysis.” The late Malcolm Forbes said, “Vehicles in motion use their generators to charge their own batteries. Unless you happen to be a golf cart, you can’t recharge your battery when you’re parked in the garage!”

Sixth, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn. View a failure as the conclusion of one performance, not the end of your entire career. Own up to your shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as a failure. A failure may be something you have done—and it may even be something you’ll have to do again on the way to success—but a failure is definitely not something you are.

Even if you’re at a point where you’re feeling very negatively about yourself, be aware that you’re now ideally positioned to make rapid and dramatic improvement. A negative self-evaluation, if it’s honest and insightful, takes much more courage and character than the self-delusions that underlie arrogance and conceit. I’ve seen the truth of this proven many times in my work with athletes. After an extremely poor performance, a team or an individual athlete often does much better the next time out, especially when the poor performance was so bad that there was simply no way to shirk responsibility for it. Disappointment, defeat, and even apparent failure are in no way permanent conditions unless we choose to make them so. On the contrary, these undeniably painful experiences can be the solid foundation on which to build future success.

* * * * *

Reproduced with permission from the Denis Waitley Newsletter.  To Subscribe to Denis Waitley's Newsletter, visit him at deniswaitley.com. 

http://www.positivethoughtsandmore.com/2016/01/six-behaviors-that-increase-self-esteem.html

Building Your Self-Esteem Back Up After Someone Rejects You

One of the greatest fears people experience is the fear of rejection. That’s because there are few things that hurt as much as rejection. We create meanings about our worth based on incidents in which we’ve been rejected. These meanings then help shape our self-image, which dictates the decisions we make in our lives.

It’s very easy to believe that when someone rejects you, whether it’s in love, friendship, family, work, or otherwise, it’s because something is wrong with you. Anyone and everyone can be rejected, no matter who they are. If someone rejects you, it doesn’t diminish your innate value because it doesn’t affect your soul. It affects your ego, which loves to blame and thrives on making you feel like a victim. But your soul stays perfectly intact. The essence of who you are, the core of you, doesn’t change, and neither does your worth.

Rejection hurts when we internalize it. When we do this, we allow someone else’s actions and opinions to shape how we feel about ourselves. We then create a belief that the person who has rejected us is better. Conversely, we start to believe we are somehow unworthy. Yes, those who’ve rejected you may have had their reasons or rationales for doing so. Those reasons don’t have to be about you specifically, and they don’t mean anything about you as a person. In fact, the meanings you created about yourself based on rejection are actually not true.

 See the bigger picture in rejection. If someone rejects you, it’s because you’re just not meant to be in that situation, no matter how much you want it.

In fact, if I look back on every rejection I have endured in my life, unequivocally, each was there as a compass to take me in a different direction that would bring me back to my soul’s path. Each rejection was a correction. When I was going off track in my soul’s journey, the rejection was a realignment toward what was best for me.

We all have things that happen to us that don’t make us feel good about ourselves. But the difference between people who are happy and healthy and those who are miserable and bitter is that happy people don’t internalize or create a meaning about themselves based on a particular rejection. It’s best to look at rejection as an opportunity for something else, something better, waiting just around the corner.

Resist the temptation to blame or hate the person who rejected you, even if he or she wasn’t nice about it. Find a way to wish that person well instead. You may not realize it in the moment, but that person is actually an angel in disguise, leading you in the right direction by putting an end to the path you were on. See it as a divine redirection instead. 

Fabienne Fredrickson  

http://positive-thoughts.typepad.com/positive-thoughts/2014/09/building-your-self-esteem-back-up-after-someone-rejects-you.html

Afirmações Positivas para a AUTO-ESTIMA

No Post ,”Como posso ser uma pessoa positiva?” foi abordado, de uma forma generalizada, como funciona a nossa mente e como podemos ser mais positivos exercitando o nosso músculo neurológico da positividade. As afirmações positivas para a auto estima estão para a mente como o exercício físico está para o corpo e o poder das afirmações positivas pode fazer a diferença na mudança interna e externa de uma pessoa.

Tal como os músculos do corpo, também os da mente,  apenas ganham “força” se submetidos a práticas diárias e como sabemos nos primeiros meses o músculo apenas se vai desenvolvendo aos poucos. Não ficamos fortes de um momento para o outro. Assim acontece com a nossa mente.

A seguir estão algumas afirmações para desenvolver o “músculo da positividade” e mesmo que não consiga sentir as afirmações como algo real, lembre-se que no ginásio também a força no inicio da pratica também não é real e não é por isso que deixamos de acreditar que o iremos desenvolver.

• Sinto-me amada e acarinhada, aceito-me exactamente como sou e melhoro a cada momento.

• Eu cuido de mim com sabedoria. Reconheço e uso cada vez melhor o meu próprio poder.

• Eu ajo sempre da melhor maneira possível em todas as situações na minha vida.

• Escolho me estar bem comigo mesmo. Eu mereço todo o amor que sinto por mim.

• Eu respeito-me a mim mesmo e me faço-me respeitar perante todos os que me rodeiam.

• Não importa o que os outros dizem ou fazem. O importante é a forma como escolho reagir e o que escolho acreditar a meu respeito.

• Respiro profundamente e permito-me relaxar totalmente. Meu corpo e o meu ser relaxa tranquilamente.

• Tenho uma boa auto-estima porque me respeito, me valorizo e aceito o meu crescimento.

• Vejo o mundo pelos olhos do amor e da aceitação. Tudo está bem no meu mundo.

• A minha vida flui melhor a cada dia que passa. A cada momento surgem novas oportunidades.

• Tenho consciência de quem sou e não preciso provar meu valor a ninguém.

• Hoje nada nem ninguém, ou lugar algum me podem irritar ou destabilizar. Escolho estar em paz.
Sou um ser que irradia alegria, e que aproveita a Vida ao máximo.

• Liberto-me de qualquer necessidade de luta ou sofrimento. Mereço tudo o que é bom.

Sei que consigo de encontrar a solução para cada problema que eu possa encontrar ou vir a criar.

• A Vida colabora com o meu crescimento de todas as maneiras possíveis.

• Os meus pensamentos de saúde, optimismo e amor se reflectem nos meus relacionamentos e vivências.

• Vivo a vida com um sentimento de segurança, sinto-me protegido e guiado pelo Divino.

• Aceito os outros como são e, em troca, eles me aceitam a mim.

• Sou uma pessoa maravilhosa, sinto-me muito bem. Agradeço a minha vida.

• Cada momento da vida é um momento especial. Escolho aproveitá-los ao máximo.

• Tenho a auto-estima e a confiança necessárias para avançar pela vida com facilidade.

• O melhor presente que me posso dar é o amor incondicional.

• Eu me amo exactamente como sou e não exijo nada de mim para me amar.

Use estas afirmações positivas para a auto-estima diariamente como se fosse um ginásio mental e verá que dentro de algum tempo quando lhe surgirem desafios a sua mente irá buscar instantaneamente esta sabedoria em momentos de desafios quer emocionais, quer de relacionamentos ou no trabalho

http://tratamentodadepressao.org/244-afirmacoes-positivas-auto-estima/

Healing Spirit: Guided Meditation for Self Esteem and Acceptance, Anxiet...

Autoestima, Amor próprio, Autovalorização

 


por João Carvalho Neto - joaoneto@joaocarvalho.com.br


Estes são termos muito utilizados por todos para se referirem ao sentimento de importância própria com que cada um de nós convive.
À falta desses sentimentos, surgem a carência, a baixa autoestima, que caracterizam um ser que não se ama o suficiente para agir em função de seus interesses.
Mas como tudo isso acontece? 
Quais os mecanismos psíquicos que envolvem estas construções?
Algumas elucidações são necessárias para tentarmos elaborar nossas ideias. 
Claro que isso exigiria terminologias mais técnicas, do que me abstenho para desenvolver o tema, dentro do possível, ao alcance do público leigo em Psicanálise.

Inicialmente, é preciso compreender que existe uma energia psíquica, a que chamamos libido, responsável pelo investimento de amor, tanto em relação aos outros quanto a nós mesmos. 
Nos primeiros tempos de nossas vidas, ainda na primeira infância, esta libido se encontra quase totalmente voltada para o próprio indivíduo, naquilo que denominamos narcisismo primário. 
É um estado, natural nesse período, em que a criança se encontra egocêntrica, sentindo o mundo como se girasse em função exclusivamente de seus próprios interesses. 
Por este estado é que um bebê chora exigindo mamar, independente do que possa estar acontecendo; somente seu desejo existe.

Com o passar do tempo, ele vai aprendendo que existem outros seres, outros desejos que ele vai ter que considerar, iniciando a vida de relação.
Nesse período, o amor por si mesmo é absoluto, e o autoamor futuro, na vida adulta, vai depender muito de como esta criança vai avançando e amadurecendo seu narcisismo.
Ou seja, uma autoestima saudável será o remanescente do narcisismo primário, sem o caráter egocêntrico infantil que inviabiliza a vida de inter-relação.

No estado de narcisismo primário, a criança se sente totalmente preenchida de valor, como se ela se visse perfeita, isenta de falhas. 
Durante o processo educacional esse mito vai caindo por terra; ela se vê alvo da censura, de críticas, de informações sobre si passadas por pessoas que ela aprendeu a amar e considera. 
Além disso, passa a viver experiências de sucesso e fracasso que, quando mal conduzidas pelos educadores (pais, familiares e professores), podem deixar feridas profundas nos remanescentes narcísicos.

Então, este indivíduo tenta criar um ego ideal para si mesmo, uma imagem que possa ser melhor aceita por ele, pela família e pela sociedade em que deseja se inserir. 
Se consegue ser bem-sucedido, pode se autoapaixonar novamente, correndo o risco de retomar o narcisismo original e esquecer os aspectos de sua personalidade que precisam ser trabalhados e desenvolvidos para se tornarem melhores. 
Ou seja: "eu sou o bom e todo mundo está errado". 
Esses pontos cegos, criados pelo ressurgimento do narcisismo, tendem a gerar muita angústia ao longo do tempo, além de isolarem a pessoa que vai se tornando insuportável.
Por outro lado, se ele não consegue criar um ego ideal satisfatório, pode se tornar profundamente dependente da opinião das pessoas, valorizando mais as relações do que sua própria individualidade, ficando refém daqueles que espera que o amem. 
E, quando encontra alguém apaixonado, se entrega e passa a investir sua libido totalmente nesta pessoa, não sobrando energia para manter seu sentido de autovalorização. 
São os carentes, dependentes, inseguros, etc.

Bem... diante de tanta tragédia psíquica existe uma solução saudável que sustente uma autoestima positiva?
Vamos considerar que a existência de um ego ideal é inevitável. 
Vivemos em um mundo de aparências e, para nele sobrevivermos, temos que manter um certo nível de aceitação social. 
Sem uma hipocrisia razoável ninguém se insere. 
Imagine, leitor amigo, se você demonstrasse publicamente tudo o que sente e passa pelos seus pensamentos... 
Melhor deixar pra lá!
A grande questão é que esse ego ideal não seja uma máscara suficientemente densa para que você se esconda de si mesmo. 
Como você poderia realmente se amar tentando se apaixonar por uma imagem que sabe ser irreal?

Na verdade, este autoamor pelo ego ideal é o mesmo do narcisismo primário: antes, um autoamor que desconhecia possibilidades de falhas (quando criança), e agora um autoamor por uma imagem de perfeição irreal criada para se proteger dentro dela.
O grande desafio é resgatar a energia psíquica da libido narcísica e se apaixonar pelo que você é, pelas suas virtudes mas também pelas suas imperfeições. 
É se apaixonar pelas possibilidades enriquecedoras de trabalhar por elaborá-las, tomando-as não como algo desprezível mas desafiador. 
É aceitar-se tal qual se é, mas com motivação para transformar o que seja possível, sem quimeras ideais nem recriminações derrotistas.
E, um ego forte - por se amar - e flexível - por se aceitar nas suas dificuldades - será sempre muito mais saudável e capaz de enfrentar com otimismo os embates de sua vida.

João Carvalho Neto
Psicanalista, autor dos livros
"Psicanálise da alma" e "Casos de um divã transpessoal".
www.joaocarvalho.com.br 

http://saintgermanchamavioleta.blogspot.pt/2013/06/autoestima-amor-proprio-autovalorizacao.html

Como manter a auto estima em momentos difíceis?

Posted by José Maria Fonseca on May 4, 2013

Construir a sua autoestima… algumas ideias para a melhoria da liderança pessoal!
Aqui ficam algumas dicas que podes considerar como um guia de iniciação ao autoaperfeiçoamento.
Imagina-te como um alvo de dardos. Tudo e todos ao teu redor podem tornar-se em dardos, a qualquer momento. Estes dardos vão destruir a tua autoestima e puxar-te para baixo de uma forma que nem te apercebes. Não deixes que eles te destruam, ou escondam o melhor de ti. Então, que dardos deves evitar?

Dardo # 1: Ambiente de trabalho negativo
Cuidado com a teoria “7 cães a um osso” onde toda a gente luta apenas para sobressair. Muitas vezes podemos observar pessoas que só olham para si próprias nestes ambientes. Provavelmente ninguém vai elogiar-te ou parabenizar-te pelos teus feitos e vitórias. Ninguém te vai dar uma palavra quando não almoçares ou jantares, ou quando sais mais tarde. Acabas por trabalhar muito procurando reconhecimento que nunca vais ter. Cuidado com isso. A competição é fundamental para que as empresas se superem, mas deve existir uma competição saudável e as pessoas devem ser valorizadas (mas lembra-te sempre que tu tens que fazer para merecer o reconhecimento).

Dardo # 2: Comportamento das outras pessoas
Traiçoeiros, brutos, antipáticos, irritantes, traidores, depressivos, negativos, controladores, queixosos, infelizes, etc… todos estes tipos de pessoas vão representar más vibrações para ti e para a tua autoestima, bem como para o teu plano de autoaperfeiçoamento.

Dardo # 3: Mudar e Sair da Zona de Conforto
A mudança desafia os nossos paradigmas. Testa a nossa flexibilidade, adaptabilidade e altera a nossa forma de pensar. Mudar e sair da zona de conforto vai tornar a vida difícil por algum tempo, pode causar stress, mas vai ajudar a encontrar maneiras de nos melhorarmos a nós mesmos. A mudança será para sempre, temos de ser sensíveis a ela. Temos de nos preparar para sair da zona de conforto e mudar, só assim poderemos crescer.

Dardo # 4: A experiência do passado
Não há problema em chorar e dizer “ai!” Quando sentimos dor. Mas não deixes que a dor se transforme em medo e num hábito. Isso vai-te levar por maus caminhos e no final não vais gostar do resultado. Trata cada falha e erro como uma lição. Pergunta sempre: “O que posso aprender com isto?”

Dardo # 5: Visão Mundial Negativa
Repara naquilo em que te focas. Não te deixes levar por todas as ondas negativas que há no mundo! Na construção de autoestima forte e saudável, temos de aprender a fazer e ver o melhor das piores situações. Vivemos numa era negativa (que a meu ver está em mudança) e está na altura de tu assumires que és tu quem decide se vês o copo meio vazio ou se o vês meio cheio. Quando perceberes isto podes começar a treinar ver o lado positivo de tudo. É um treino este processo, não um milagre!

Dardo # 6: Teoria da Determinação
A pessoa que és, os teus comportamentos e forma de estar são o resultado de diferentes fatores como a genética (o que herdaste), a educação, o treino da mente, relações e pessoas com quem te dás, o meio ambiente… a verdade é que tu tens a tua própria identidade. Se o teu pai é um fracasso, isso não significa que tenhas que ser um fracasso também! Aprende com a experiência de outras pessoas, de forma a não cometeres os mesmos erros que os outros e, mais importante ainda, saberes o que fazer para alcançares o sucesso.

Às vezes, podes acreditar que algumas pessoas são líderes natos ou são naturalmente positivas. NÃO. Ser positivo, ficar positivo, ter o pensamento positivo é uma escolha, é um treino. Construir uma autoestima saudável e trabalhar no autoaperfeiçoamento é uma escolha, não uma regra ou um talento.

Na vida, é difícil manteres-te em cima, especialmente quando as coisas e pessoas ao teu redor te puxam para baixo. Quando chegamos ao campo de batalha, devemos escolher a bagagem e armaduras certas… escolher aqueles que são à prova de bala. Ao longo da batalha, vais sofrer ataques e vais-te magoar. Vestindo uma armadura à prova de bala idealmente significa “mudança de personalidade”. O tipo de mudança que vem de dentro. Voluntariamente. Estas mudanças baseiam-se em 3 coisas: a nossa atitude, nosso comportamento e nossa maneira de pensar.

Construir autoestima vai levar à melhoria pessoal, confiança e bem estar, se formos responsáveis por quem somos, o que temos e o que fazemos. Quando desenvolvemos a autoestima, estamos no controlo da nossa vida, valores e disciplina. Autoestima traz autoaperfeiçoamento, avaliação de verdade, e determinação.
Eu sei que tudo isto parece simples quando estamos a ler, mas que na prática as coisas não são assim tão simples. Mas são. Eu trabalho estes pontos com muitos dos meus clientes e também nos meus workshops (quer seja presenciais quer sejam online – webinares). O importante é entenderes que as coisas, quando são trabalhadas da forma correta são bem mais simples do que pensas.

Fonte: http://josemariafonseca.com/coaching/como-manter-a-auto-estima-em-momentos-dificeis/

12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself

I have found that there is only one thing that heals every problem, and that is: to love yourself. When people start to love themselves more each day, it's amazing how their lives get better. They feel better. They get the jobs they want. They have the money they need. Their relationships either improve, or the negative ones dissolve and new ones begin.

Loving yourself is a wonderful adventure; it's like learning to fly. Imagine if we all had the power to fly at will? How exciting it would be! Let's begin to love ourselves now.

Here are 12 Commandments to help you learn how to love yourself:

Stop All Criticism.
Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Forgive Yourself.
Let the past go. You did the best you could at the time with the understanding, awareness, and knowledge that you had. Now you are growing and changing, and you will live life differently.

Don't Scare Yourself.
Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle and Kind and Patient.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be Kind to Your Mind.
Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise Yourself.
Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support Yourself.
Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be Loving to Your Negatives.
Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take Care of Your Body.
Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need in order to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise do you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Do Mirror Work.
Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself while looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents while looking into the mirror. Forgive them, too. At least once a day, say, "I love you, I really love you!"

Love Yourself... Do It Now.
Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or find the new relationship. Begin now—and do the best you can.

Have Fun.
Remember the things that gave you joy as a child. Incorporate them into your life now. Find a way to have fun with everything you do. Let yourself express the joy of living. Smile. Laugh. Rejoice, and the Universe rejoices with you!

New Louise Hay Newsletter

How to Socialize, Be Funny and Make Friends

Making friends can be easy. It depends on ho outgoingyou are. If you're shy, then you need to build up your confidence to become popular. This guide might help you but what you really need is socializing skills and of course a cheerful smile.

EditSteps

1. 1
   Just be yourself. Don't be afraid to express your opinions. If someone insults you, just ignore them. The people who are jealous and hate you will be outnumbered by the people who love you for being yourself.
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2. 2
   Be optimistic. Even if you are feeling really down, remember that there's always something out there to smile about. A positive outlook will make people want to be around you a lot more. Be cautious, however. There's a point where optimism can be annoying. Don't be too optimistic.
3. 3
   Crack a joke. (Having a sense of humor is important, but don't get too carried away, there are some things you have to be serious about.If you joke about your friend in a rude way it could damage your relationship with them.)
4. 4
   Smile as much as you can! Signs of encouragement let people know you care about what they are saying. But have a reason to smile. Make it clear you have a reason to smile with humor or optimistic words. Smiling without a reason, or smiling too much may creep people out.
5. 5
   Share interesting/silly ideas. Your thoughts can open up many doors that can lead to friendship.
6. 6
   Listen more than you talk. Instead of nodding and smiling and occasionally wiping the drool off your face, try to take what the person says and run with it. Add your own thoughts into the mix - but don't hijack the conversation.
7. 7
   Start by doing little things if you are very reserved. For example, every time you go to school, work, or wherever, say hello to one person and have a one-on-one conversation with them.
8. 8
   Say "hello" to those that don't talk much. (Share something about yourself, such as where you're going or why you're there. Avoid talking about the weather - as Tom Waits says, "Strangers talk about the weather." Try to compliment them.
9. 9
   Don't expect perfection out of anyone, especially yourself. For example, if you forget your own name while introducing yourself (which probably won't happen), just make fun of the situation.
10. 10
    Be Patient. If you are still among strangers, the apprehension of a conversation may cause a delay in comments. Don't worry, that will go away in short order.
11. 11
    Talk to older people, maybe even your own folks. They will be less likely to ridicule you, therefore making it easier to learn to talk well.
12. 12
    Place importance on making social contacts. The people who are considered popular may not be the sharpest tacks in the box, but they are acquainted with important people who may contribute to their future careers. It is never too late to feel that being popular is important. If your work environment allows for it, host a party, organize a sports game, etc.
13. 13
    Love yourself. It is difficult to like others when you do not appreciate yourself for who you are. Try exercise to improve your self-esteem. Start your journey to "self-discovery."
14. 14
    Be loyal. Little things count. If you make an appointment, be on time. If you're in a group, show up early, and stay late (even if you don't have anything to say at the moment).
15. 15
    Be nice to others. Always give compliments, but don't try too hard. If you are shy, take a deep breath and risk it - you never know what might happen. Again, if you are shy on the outside but a little crazy on the inside, let it out once in a while. Wear your hair up high and spin around or dance. Others will laugh and find you funny and fun to be with.
16. 16
    Try not to be defensive over something that is possibly your own issue. For example, don't shout, "Why are you so prejudiced?" or "Why don't you like women?" when due to past situations you may just be overly sensitive. Try to always believe the best of others and give them the benefit of the doubt that can go a long way in getting to know the real person. If it turns out they are a bigot, then move on to befriend the next person and don't waste any more energy. It may take a few tries to find friends that "click." And anyway, if you're arguing with someone about something stupid such as shoes, drop it. Try to get out of arguments that are dumb. If you're arguing because you were sticking up for your friend such as something like someone was making fun of her and you were trying to stand up for her, then I completely understand.
17. 17
    Be honest. Lying will make people not want to be your friend any more, because they will not trust you anymore.
18. 18
    Respect everyone, no matter what they think or say. They are a person and deserve to be treated with respect. If you treat people well they will treat you the same.
19. 19
    (Build confidence)Try to get younger friends if you are in middle school. Hanging out with kids a year or two younger than you will help build confidence, which will help you with kids around your own age. I know, no one wants to hang out with the 10 year old next door. But i promise just hang out and talk to them and your confidence will skyrocket!
    • Avoid saying something that could be taken the wrong way, but don't over-analyze what you want to say. If you think about it too much, not only will you miss out on your chance to contribute to the conversation, but what you do end up saying might sound scripted and unnatural.
    • A pendulum has to swing in the opposite direction before it lands in the middle, so if you have too much of a problem over-thinking things, first let go of it allowing for errors or failed attempts -- and let yourself say things that could be taken the wrong way (be inaccurate) until you get the hang of it, and then learn how to "filter" out those errant efforts at conversing and associating for fun and friend.
20. 20
    Find people who share your interests. Get up, move and join a group of classmates that has similar interests whether at lunch or at a party. In that environment, it would be easier to meet people and make friends. And it's fine if your friends don't have much in common with you as long as you both are happy and comfortable. If they judge/don't approve of something you do, they aren't friends. If they don't approve of you smoking for example, don't look at it the wrong way. They're only trying to protect you. So, don't remain on the edge looking in; your move...
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EditTips

• Don't try to be someone you're not. Just act calm and don't say anything out of the blue. If you want to talk to someone but don't have the confidence to do so; just go for it! You'll know if they want to be your friend or not by the way they respond. Maybe you could start the conversation with something simple, such as; "Hey, are you alright?" etc.
• Everybody likes some attention, (even the shy ones). Pay a little attention to people, and often they'll repay you warmly. It doesn't take much.
• Do not be selfish. Many think if they are generous their friends would take advantage of them. This is an absurd paradox. If your friends were taking advantage of you, you would see right through them, and they should not be considered your friend!
• Avoid prejudice, even among age. It is not impossible for a 20-year-old to be a friend to a 70-year-old. Don't limit your possibilities.
• Earn some money. You'll be able to go out and do more things, and if you get a job, you'll meet more people there who have similar experiences.
• Surround yourself with people you want to be like.
• Be passionate about what you believe in - keep your own opinions and ideas.
• Take genuine interest in other people, and they will do the same for you.
• A great way to start a conversation with some one new is to ask advice. Everyone wants to show off a little and most likely they'll be happy to help.
• Start out slowly with people. Begin conversations with open-ended questions like, "How's it going?" and let the other person run with the conversation. Calibrate their initial response, to gauge whether they are responsive to more conversation.
• Don't forget about your other friends! Introduce them to each other. That way, you'll have more to talk about and your friends can make more friends, too.
• Sometimes people need a little coaxing. You might have to ask them "How are you?" and "What have have you been up to?" in succession before you get a deep enough response to bring about further conversation.
• People often underestimate how self-conscious other people are. When you interact with other people, remember that they can often make the conversation uncomfortable because of their own insecurities. The best thing to do is to be confident. Confidence gives you a greater vantage point in which to see the social inadequacies of other people.
• Aim to get respect from other people instead of their approval. People are attracted to the people that value themselves. If you are looking for other people's approval then you are implicitly saying that "I value this person's opinion of me, and valuation of me as my indication of worth." You have to value yourself and not seek anyone else's value assessment of you.
• Surround yourself with other people and you will attract more people. People take shortcuts, and in the absence of spending hours with you to find out who you really are, they look to see that you are liked by other people (it's called social proof). As a result, they come to the conclusion, "if other people like you, then I suspect I can like you as well."
• One thing that people like to talk about is sports. A good way to start a conversation is "Hey! How 'bout them (team)?" (If they are into sports that is)
• It's easier to talk to people if you have shared an experience with them. Clearly the friends you have at the moment predominantly talk about interesting things they did in the past.
• Don't be afraid to ask them for their Facebook, MySpace, AIM Screen Name, email address, phone #, etc. Its very important that you guys stay in contact if you want more friends.
• Don't try too hard.
• Cursing can be very unattractive, but at the same time, some people don't mind. It's best not to curse at all, people who don't like it instantly notice, but those who accept it don't notice it. But know the group you are in. Some groups of friends will like you better if you curse, but then it can be complicated(it might be OK around your same-sex friends but not when they have an opposite-sex friend over).
• Never wear disgusting and dirty clothes. It puts people right off.
• Always be nice to older people. Some of my best friends are older.

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EditWarnings

• Don't allow negative treatment of your friend in a group that you wouldn't want for yourself. If something seems wrong, such as some of your friends are humiliating another friend (even if the individual is a bit of a jerk), speak up in defense. Just remember that this is your friend, too. Who cares if the others disagree: tell them that they should be loyal to this friend. Make it a point that "we are all friends". When it comes down to it, do you really want to regret not defending one of your friends in the group? Would it be worth it, to not help your friend -- and not show the others that you can be trusted to standup for them, too!
• Avoid self-destructive thoughts. Doing things that build talent and esteem will subdue such negativity.
• It is not necessary to accept the first person who comes along, as a friend. Judge them on their merits, not their appearance. In fact, don't judge much at all. Be cautious, however.
• Don't try to say something just for the purpose of looking smart or funny. Most people would rather be friends with someone who comes off as being sincere, not someone just trying to show off. Make sure your humor comes naturally and isn't forced.
• Not everybody likes a bubbly, social, funny personality. A lot of people probably like you just as you are!
• Be yourself. DON'T think about changing into someone else that you are not as you will not get respect that way. If you lie about something that you really don't do, they'll end up finding out & maybe everyone the next week won't be into that anymore, so your best thing to do is talk about your own interests & ask them about theirs or any others they may have.
• The 'key thing' in a conversation is the word 'you'. Ask them about themselves. DON'T go talking about yourself the whole time! If you notice you are saying "I" too much or are just talking about yourself, hurry up & finish that sentence & ask them about what they like. Example: "I like that singer's style. What kinda music do you like?"
• Never put yourself down. Always be confident and other people will notice. Making a bad remark about yourself only makes it OK for other people to do so too.
• Watch late night comedy so you can develop a sense of how to make people laugh.
• Don't crack a joke every 5 seconds. People may think you're annoying, and won't want to hang around you.
• Don't try too hard to be funny.
• Don't laugh too much! If you're too nervous, take deep breaths and try to calm down.
• Don't put anyone down including an older person or an ugly person. Be nice to everyone, for example don't find fault in others under no circumstances.

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Article Info

Last edited:
July 20, 2012 by Ttrimm

Categories:
Forming Friendships

Recent edits by: IronSpockMaster, Teresa, GraceMM9900 (see all)

In other languages
Español: Como ser sociable, gracioso y hacer amigos

Fonte : http://www.wikihow.com/Socialize%2C-Be-Funny-and-Make-Friends